Ten years ago, today on 8/8/08, I became Mrs. Robinson. Yes, cue the quips from the movie and you can thank me later for planting the song seed in your noggin just now. This is significant to my husband and I, this 10-year mark, because it has not been a bed of roses, there were many thorns along the way.
The thorn of infertility is perhaps the most hurtful one. As I write this, I wonder why does this still trigger me now? Maybe I suppress or ignore this thorn day-to-day and as I sit down to stop and reflect on our first decade together, this deep hurt comes to the surface.
The thorn of quickly realizing that marriage is not the idyllic life I remembered seeing on TV shows growing up, such as “Leave it to Beaver” or “The Brady Bunch.” Moving to a big city, living with a man for the first time and starting grad school all within the week after getting married was daunting to say the least.
I once heard the saying, “Marriage is not meant to make us happy, but to make us holy.” I mentioned that to a friend once and she said, “Well, that’s not very romantic.” No, it’s not. However, I think there is much truth to the statement. Think about it for a moment. If we are looking only to our spouse to make us happy, (by the way the word, happy in this sense, makes me cringe; the word JOY in my opinion is far better, but more on that in a follow up blog) then we will be sorely disappointed. Spouses are human after all, not Divine and cannot begin to fulfill all needs and wishes in our fallen state. Only Jesus Christ can truly give us the pure, true, real Divine Love that we all long for. Only He can heal those deep-seated thorns/hurts that we all carry around day-to-day, month after month and year after year. Only He can come alongside and give us the supernatural strength we need to continue to show love to our spouse, forgive each other from our hearts and continue to choose one another each day. Only Love.
As I pushed forward and backward the seemingly heavy vacuum and saw the white pup hair that was being taken away little by little, I lost it. Literally had a breakdown right there in the living room. The room was quiet except for the hum of the vacuum. It did not matter that no one was around, I could not help but bawl uncontrollably thinking of our beloved Gidget and the fact that we had to put yet another dog down...
What do you do when you lose a beloved pet? Kelly Sue shares her and her husband's journey through their grieving process of losing their beloved dog, Gidget, and how Barkin Dogs Rescue found them not one, but two new pups to adopt and love!
I will never forget the excitement I had going into a meeting with one of my professors, Dr. J back in grad school. I had the idea of launching a Christian clothing business from way back when and he had a side business that helped start-ups. I came prepared with all my notes, my hand-drawn ideas scribbled into a notebook from years ago and a prototype of a zip-up hoodie that had embroidered crosses and verses stitched all over it. I was so excited! See, Dr. J, now this is what I’m talking about! See this cool hoodie??!! It’s a nicer, higher-end product that I really think people would buy! He, of course, has far more knowledge than I and he is asking questions and pondering it all…thankfully not anything like “Shark Tank”; I would never have survived that type of questioning. He was genuinely being a kind fella and hearing me out. At the end of our meeting (as I am walking out) he asked me to write a “Theology of a Hoodie.” K…. hmmm….ok. That’s it? What on earth does he mean, I thought? I also thought, are you kidding me dude, you know full well how many books and papers we must write in graduate school and now you are asking me to (for fun) write a theology of a hoodie?!
Well, here it is almost 8 years later. (BTW I still do not know exactly what he was asking for, however, I have a far better understanding of hoodies after creating and selling them for almost 3 years now). “Theology” means a theological theory or system” I am going with just the theory or system; my guess is that was what he was asking for?
So, here is my brief explanation of how the system works, at least in my case.
Don’t ya love it when someone visibly looks shocked (not fake-shocked for like a tip or something), but, really stunned when you casually mention that you are about to turn 50?! ME TOO!! Hey, I’ll take fake-shocked sometimes. As I ponder this new year, the running thread at the forefront in my mind is about turning 50 in October. Can I lose 20-30 lbs. in that time frame? Is that even possible? Does that mean completely giving up sweets and bread? Will my legs ever look like they did in my 30’s? What can I do to my face/neck/hands to get ahead of this aging thing?
Then I swing to other side and think, really, why does it even matter? Why does it matter if some stranger thinks you are younger than you are? Like you are cheating the system somehow, like you got better genes (jeans?) than someone else? I mean, does it truly matter?!